I’ve reached that stage where all the thoughts in my head are stagnant. All resources have been allocated to fill that extra requirement during this turbulent period of the semester. It’s finals week. Naturally then, due to the herculean task of completing the entire semesters syllabus in 24 hours, I have not been able to come up with a very appealing and offensive blog. Either that or, I just haven’t tried harder. However, keeping up with the traditions of the exams, I can never use that excuse. Ever.
So this week, I’m going to just write something off the top of my head in an attempt to sound like a less like a whining student who is trying hard to save his grades and sound more like a whining student who is trying real hard to write a blog. Examinations usually have a plethora of implications and one of them involves the rapid overhaul of your priorities. You can suddenly be interested in YouTube videos on how one can become an expert in talking to Giraffes or you can spiral down into deep epiphanies about life after looking at that funky insect on the ceiling. I know because I battle these priority wars every time during exams.
Obviously I cannot keep talking about these things you are already familiar with, so I’m going to make an attempt at those countdown things you seem to keep seeing everywhere. You know, those “25 reasons why you’re a loser” and those “15 of the most desirable cupcakes” stuff. You will be wondering how that is in any way coherent with what I was whining about in the above 2 paragraphs. Let me explain.
There are only a finite number of times a guy can update his facebook status before he is referred to as the Kim Kardashian of the internet. Although that seems like a glamorous title in hindsight, I felt it was stupid to keep posting the links of all the stupid shit I’ve seen along these years on the internet. So here’s a list of the 5 craziest/weirdest things I’ve come across on the internet. Mostly during exams.
(I’ve excluded anything political. Because this is a Top 5 list. Not Top 105471)
#5 : FIRE FIRE FIRE.
The first of the weirdest things is a video about a south Indian hypnotism center which mainly practices the ancient art of fooling you into thinking what they want. I understand your confusion when you think I’m just talking about some temple but this is way worse. Indians may not have really caught onto the concept of hypnotism and subconscious mind access techniques but we have been proficient in the art of over acting. Just see Salman Khan. The fact that he’s parading around calling himself an actor is a testament to how you can become successful just by pretending that you’re good at something, provided you have the appropriate audience. Ok, cutting to the chase here : This is a video about some guy who apparently uses faith healing and some hypnosis things to help people out. I have no clue how that works but to be fair, I have no clue about most things in this article. Here’s the link –
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10200262886535455&set=vb.1851901426&type=2&theater
Aside from the fact that there were actually consenting volunteers to this event, we must acknowledge the true Indians who made their guest appearance in this. Notice the large amount of female turn up for this event? That is the prime motivation of 80-90% of the male crowd in that event. Let me show you these few clippings from the video.
Did you notice how this lady is seemingly entranced by the FIRE FIRE FIRE ?
Yes, so did this young lad. He traverses long paths and tough terrains such as that gyrating 50 year old on the floor to reach out and try his luck with the woman here.
Indians in a nutshell.
#4: INDIA TV.
Did you really think I would write an article about the weirdest things I’ve come across and not mention India TV?
If weirdness had an SI Unit, It would be India TV.
India TV is what Rahul Gandhi’s thoughts look like when he is in to Class A drugs.
The only thing worse than India TV’s journalism is the Pakistani cricket team’s english.
India TV is so desperate for a news story that they had Rajat Sharma sent to Comedy Nights with Kapil.
Comedy Nights with Kapil is so dry and pointless now, that they had some India TV journalist on their show.
Ok, I think that’s enough of the bad jokes. I’m sure all of you are aware of the downright stupid news flashes done by India TV. If you don’t, you should check the best of the lot.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=P4p9JMiNNlc (or)
http://www.metacafe.com/watch/5003857/is_it_predators_is_it_india_tv_is_it_fake/
.. I don’t even know what to say after this. How desperate for news stories do you have to be that you draw out a footprint in a village yourself (ONE FOOTPRINT BECAUSE THIS PREDATOR IS APPARENTLY HOPPING HIS WAY TO WORLD DOMINATION) and get random people to share their thoughts on it. I’m sure the guy speaking English in that video made an Illuminati reference. He used some words that the reporter may not have understood and hence the cut to the guy who says – Arre apun ko samajh aa gayela hai medem.
On a lighter note, you can always look to India TV to provide you heart-warming happy stories when the nation is in distress. They will be the ones reporting about pigeons outside of the Taj after 26/11. No seriously, look. They’ve done that shit
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oqFiBUNHmXM
#3 : BIA TO GHULBAM
I know you all would have been expecting atleast one video about a weird fellow dancing to a bad song in a funny way. I know all of you would have already seen Silsila and Raasathi so that would seemingly have me left in a dilemma to find something else. Luckily for me, the Internet is a place dark and full of terrors. There is never a shortage of weird material. It was hard enough for me to constraint this list to 5. So here is the link to this Iranian song called Bia to Ghulbam.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=omXANxab3PM (or)
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10152816650522575&set=vb.7262977574&type=2&theater
Apart from the fact that the guy looks like an autistic Mithun Chakraborthy got diabetes, the part that intrigued me the most was when they had to use a green screen to put him inside a disco. I do not know if there are disco’s in Iran but I’m pretty sure these people don’t need flashing lights and music to have a blast. They have weapons grade Uranium for that. I also do not know if any of those girls lived after showing so much of their face but let’s not get into discussions about the cultural implications of a video with a shiny transsexual and his weird female sidekicks. We, as a society haven’t dropped our standards that low since agreeing to release 5 twilight movies.
#2: CYRIAK
This list has effectively transcended into the glorified weird side of youtube. A side discovered only when you actually have stuff to do and things to complete. This side is populated with the weirdest of the weird videos. I assure you, you can take any video and sample it every 5 seconds and find no coherence whatsoever between samples. My absolute favorite amongst the weird youtube videos is this one.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FavUpD_IjVY (or)
http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xf10as_cows-cows-cows_fun
I never thought I’d see a video about surreal bovine choreography. I never even thought those words went together, they effectively mean “awesome cows dance”. The thesaurus has been manipulated to make that sound like a legitimate project. The name of the producer of this video is Cyriak and if you thought this video was weird, you should see his other works. Especially Baaa
#1: DANCING QUEEN.
If you’re a 90’s kid, you would remember the hit song by Abba as performed by the A* Teens called Dancing Queen. Mostly because it played around 600 times between nickelodeon tv shows and it was amazingly catchy. This video is by far the funniest video I have seen in a long time. Mainly because of the comments on YouTube it got.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TGfNSitVQFM (or)
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=598470993573173&set=vb.536762153077391&type=2&theater
I assume you’re reading this after watching the video? Good because I would make a few revelations that would blow your mind. Okay, actually just the one. The dancing queen in the video is actually a man.
There is a man named Christopher who makes a living out of dancing for billboard hit songs in an Alice In Wonderland costume along with passive elements attached to sticks. I do not know what kind of career counseling he went to, to get inspired for that. The YouTube comments on this made my day. Here are some of them :
“This is what will meet you at the gates of hell” ; “This is a man. I’m going home now”
That’s it for this list. Expect more weird lists coming out because I still have a year left of college.
The Daily Offensive 