The Rape Rant

“I’m almost out of controversial topics to write about in India”- Said nobody ever. Having said that, we now look at one of the most shocking wave of events that publicly displayed the ugly side of Indians. It involved the humiliation and degradation of people while a minority sat and enjoyed the show. Although that may sound like the movie review for Kick, this article will deal with a topic I actually didn’t want to write about ever. The Rape show in India.

There is nothing funny about rape. Well, I couldn’t think of anything funny at least. There is a risk with doing jokes on rape that involve the rapid wrath of the violent feminist and the ‘understanding male compatriot’ (also pronounced as – guy attracted to a violent feminist) sections of the society. Apart from the nonexistent humor quotient in this topic, I also try to maintain the little class my blog has by not incorporating profanity in my articles. I have cruised past the culture articles and Sheila Dikshit jibes like a classy gentleman but when it comes to people like Mulayam Singh Yadav or his orangutan of a son, it becomes harder to not open that other dictionary.

India isn’t particularly renowned for the way it treats its women. We have this incessant knack for following whatever our ancestors did, no matter how stupid they were. This unquestioned respect given to the elders swings both ways. When it swings good, we have deserving professors and workers getting a gold watch on their retirement day. When it swings bad, we have Digvijay Singh and those folks at that party with the rising sun. So this blind path we follow in the name of culture has pretty much wrecked the stance of women in the society. There are women who are accustomed to this bullshit and then there are other women who are beat up and forced to be accustomed to this bullshit. The media and all those elders from your father’s office parties seem to have everything figured out with this situation. It’s almost always the generic answer for every question you ask.

Question:  Uncle what do you think about these rape things happening nowadays?

    Bullshit:  Beta all this is normal only. It’s because of western influence. This entire western hemisphere no, spoiling our Indian culture!  You leave that now beta. Tell me, are you going to US or not for studies now?

Over the course of this rape saga, there have been quite a handful of eloquent responses and views on this topic. As is the case with most things in this country, these responses range from mind numbingly good to Rahul Gandhi level. We continue to have powerful and inspirational speeches given by intimidating masculine personalities like Amitabh Bachchan and Kiran Bedi. On the flip side, there are also blokes like Abhijit Mukherji who read out random words from the dictionary in an attempt to sound like he is from an educated family. People like him make Arnab Goswami love his job.

Just like every article you read about rape, the next part will usually proceed to highlight the stupidity of our current batch of politicians. It will incorporate some smart ass insults. It will provide innovative ways on how to castigate these rapists, including a fully detailed thesis on how one can be tortured the best. Then I will end it gracefully by saying that rape is bad and the usual generic rant about how we can instill a nation of millions blah blah blah.

Let’s be brutally honest, all of that is complete and utter bullshit.

We are not going to change. The rapists will not understand any of those creative genital mutilation techniques you tirelessly described. They will continue raping because the overall IQ level of Uttar Pradesh and Bihar amounts to about 2 or 2.5. In a predictable statistic, most of our bright politicians hail from Uttar Pradesh only. There will be domestic violence, murders, kidnappings, rapes, honor killing and everything you would expect from a pea brained masculine figure high on Indian Culture. You, as an inconsequential being reading a random blog on a laptop will not be able to do jack shit about it. For every candle light protest you conduct, there will be this macho Indian dude from delhi or Haryana saying that candle light protests are an effect of western cultural influences and must be stopped. The balance is tipped to the side of the stupid Indian culture fanatics.

Western culture did not invent dowry, sati and your caste system. Western civilization didn’t construct caves with animal orgies. Westerners don’t worship a blue man’s penis. Stop blaming the shortcomings of a flawed system on another community because you’re too much of an uptight little bitch. The rape culture arises from the fundamental notion that women are pieces of property every man has a right to. That fundamental notion is the doing of our great ancestral heritage. You can give women 75% reservations in the parliament; tend to every whimsical demand made by angry feminists; castrate and torture the rapists all you want and do everything that is within your power to satisfy yourself, but every one of your attempts will be cancelled out by that one Subramanian Swamy of the society who thinks Chowmein is the primary cause of rape. If there is one thing worse than things like this being preached, its the fact that these things are being followed.

There is a regular influx of a rape report everyday in the newspaper. If I sat to cover every aspect of these events, this rant would go on forever. If I didn’t know any better, I will find more people offended by this article than the actual rape cultures in India. One step forward, Two steps back. Welcome to India. Enjoy your stay.