The Rape Rant

“I’m almost out of controversial topics to write about in India”- Said nobody ever. Having said that, we now look at one of the most shocking wave of events that publicly displayed the ugly side of Indians. It involved the humiliation and degradation of people while a minority sat and enjoyed the show. Although that may sound like the movie review for Kick, this article will deal with a topic I actually didn’t want to write about ever. The Rape show in India.

There is nothing funny about rape. Well, I couldn’t think of anything funny at least. There is a risk with doing jokes on rape that involve the rapid wrath of the violent feminist and the ‘understanding male compatriot’ (also pronounced as – guy attracted to a violent feminist) sections of the society. Apart from the nonexistent humor quotient in this topic, I also try to maintain the little class my blog has by not incorporating profanity in my articles. I have cruised past the culture articles and Sheila Dikshit jibes like a classy gentleman but when it comes to people like Mulayam Singh Yadav or his orangutan of a son, it becomes harder to not open that other dictionary.

India isn’t particularly renowned for the way it treats its women. We have this incessant knack for following whatever our ancestors did, no matter how stupid they were. This unquestioned respect given to the elders swings both ways. When it swings good, we have deserving professors and workers getting a gold watch on their retirement day. When it swings bad, we have Digvijay Singh and those folks at that party with the rising sun. So this blind path we follow in the name of culture has pretty much wrecked the stance of women in the society. There are women who are accustomed to this bullshit and then there are other women who are beat up and forced to be accustomed to this bullshit. The media and all those elders from your father’s office parties seem to have everything figured out with this situation. It’s almost always the generic answer for every question you ask.

Question:  Uncle what do you think about these rape things happening nowadays?

    Bullshit:  Beta all this is normal only. It’s because of western influence. This entire western hemisphere no, spoiling our Indian culture!  You leave that now beta. Tell me, are you going to US or not for studies now?

Over the course of this rape saga, there have been quite a handful of eloquent responses and views on this topic. As is the case with most things in this country, these responses range from mind numbingly good to Rahul Gandhi level. We continue to have powerful and inspirational speeches given by intimidating masculine personalities like Amitabh Bachchan and Kiran Bedi. On the flip side, there are also blokes like Abhijit Mukherji who read out random words from the dictionary in an attempt to sound like he is from an educated family. People like him make Arnab Goswami love his job.

Just like every article you read about rape, the next part will usually proceed to highlight the stupidity of our current batch of politicians. It will incorporate some smart ass insults. It will provide innovative ways on how to castigate these rapists, including a fully detailed thesis on how one can be tortured the best. Then I will end it gracefully by saying that rape is bad and the usual generic rant about how we can instill a nation of millions blah blah blah.

Let’s be brutally honest, all of that is complete and utter bullshit.

We are not going to change. The rapists will not understand any of those creative genital mutilation techniques you tirelessly described. They will continue raping because the overall IQ level of Uttar Pradesh and Bihar amounts to about 2 or 2.5. In a predictable statistic, most of our bright politicians hail from Uttar Pradesh only. There will be domestic violence, murders, kidnappings, rapes, honor killing and everything you would expect from a pea brained masculine figure high on Indian Culture. You, as an inconsequential being reading a random blog on a laptop will not be able to do jack shit about it. For every candle light protest you conduct, there will be this macho Indian dude from delhi or Haryana saying that candle light protests are an effect of western cultural influences and must be stopped. The balance is tipped to the side of the stupid Indian culture fanatics.

Western culture did not invent dowry, sati and your caste system. Western civilization didn’t construct caves with animal orgies. Westerners don’t worship a blue man’s penis. Stop blaming the shortcomings of a flawed system on another community because you’re too much of an uptight little bitch. The rape culture arises from the fundamental notion that women are pieces of property every man has a right to. That fundamental notion is the doing of our great ancestral heritage. You can give women 75% reservations in the parliament; tend to every whimsical demand made by angry feminists; castrate and torture the rapists all you want and do everything that is within your power to satisfy yourself, but every one of your attempts will be cancelled out by that one Subramanian Swamy of the society who thinks Chowmein is the primary cause of rape. If there is one thing worse than things like this being preached, its the fact that these things are being followed.

There is a regular influx of a rape report everyday in the newspaper. If I sat to cover every aspect of these events, this rant would go on forever. If I didn’t know any better, I will find more people offended by this article than the actual rape cultures in India. One step forward, Two steps back. Welcome to India. Enjoy your stay.

 

The Hypocrisy Chronicles

It’s election time in India now. That means quite a few things apart from the spurious influx of money. It is literally the designated front for fake promises and random bullshit and what else comes to mind when you say fake promises and random bullshit? Exactly. Womens Rights

In a country that is almost surely going to be ruled by a gujarati, you wouldn’t expect there to be a sense of learning from the past. It’s a system of forgive and forget or as they like to call it – Clean chit for murder, genocide and tax evasions. India is almost one of the worst places for a girl to be born. Actually, due to the women infanticide, it’s one of the worst places for a girl to even be concieved. It must speak volumes of your country when even the X chromosome doesn’t feel safe. It’s one thing to roam around streets feeling unsafe and a completely different thing to be unsafe right from when you are -5 months old.  I do not blame the judiciary system in this case. It’s unfair to expect the judiciary system to do something totally out of it’s given functions and expect it to dish out completely disparate things like justice. Shame on you, selfish indian.  It’s obviously the fault of the girl who waltzs into a gang of men late in the night at around 6.30 and she herself is to blame for getting raped. Which was also her actual plan in the first place. Because, a secular democratic republican <insert random politically sound word> country does not allow for the constitution to be corrupted by things like logic. That is just another one of those western civilization cultures that we must teach our youth to not inherit. We must make active efforts to make them imbibe our rich culture and hence treat women correspondingly.

Let us begin by addressing the most important and maybe the only working self defence tactic to have ever been used in a rape situation. Let us tell our children how we must always have a blue colored superhuman friend who possesses the capability to spawn saris from his fingers and save a damsel in distress from an excerpt out of one of the 2 blockbusters in Indian culture- The story of Draupadi. A beautiful epic which teaches us values of courage, determination and well, polygamy. But just so that the youth doesn’t get a wrong image, it is NOT okay to actually fall in love and get married to one singular guy. 5 men, one wife? Yeah that’s alright bro, just make sure you say its culture first, then its cool. Let us go over the rich cultural teachings we have so selectively followed over the years

–          All indians are my brothers and sisters. Except when they’re of the other religion. And oh, no girl is my sister after 10pm and 3 drinks. Unless of course it is my actual biological sister. In which case, we are talking about 6-7 drinks and 12am.

–          Anti Violence and Satyagraha for life!! Except whenever I am bored and want to start a riot. Let me pacify myself and say its for religious purposes only.

–          “Girls who wear skimpy clothes are a disgrace and an insult to our culture and ethos.” But hey let’s take this sculpture of a penis entering a vagina, place it in a temple and call it some bullshit god name so that it is socially acceptable and worshipped throughout. ( It’s called a shiv ling for my more rational, atheist friends who are unaware)

( More examples are welcome. Comment below )

The worst things to have happened to women can be broadly classifed into two categories – Men in courtrooms and the people making up the religion rules. In India and all those muslim countries, these two  have the common denominator of making random rules with respect to a non existant entity and punishing innocents while excusing the guilty. I say that only because all the TV shows and movies have taught me that the judiciary systems overseas mean business and follow things like ethics (Indian translation: ROFLMAOZZ). When your own media doesn’t want to project a good image about the system, you know it’s screwed. And we’re talking about channels like India TV and Zee Marathi here, where a girl with a growth on her little finger and Uddhav Thackeray are both held in higher regard than the Dalai Lama. With the current state of affairs, it’s actually no surprise that Delhi is the rape capital of the country. Whenever someone is convicted, the said felon just says “Jaanta hai mera baap kaun hai?” until the unstoppable force meets an immovable object. Then he calls his father and uses his contacts to move that immovable object using “jugaad”. In the words of Gandhi, “First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you and then you win”

In a more relevant scenario, “First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they follow you, then they fight you, then they rape you, then they destroy you, then there is a court preceeding for 43 years, then they walk away, then you die”

I heard very recently of the shame that befell a lady from Suri, a place near Kolkata : she was from a place called Suri, near Kolkata. Also, she was tied to a tree and gang raped by the orders of the village elders for being involved with a muslim guy. I’m sorry but do you people not see the stupidity of your bullshit religion in all this? 80% of all the elders in the country have a mind narrower than the average human hair strand and they seem to be dictating the rules to the current generation. I will never understand the age old classification of a pure woman and an impure one. We’re talking about a human here, not Hatsun Ghee. Wearing a stupid boorka and covering yourself makes you as much of a pure woman as war brings you peace.

The youth can be the key to the nations future only if they are brought up by rational and competent parents. Don’t try teaching your daughter to be safe, tell your son not to rape. Don’t pull the god card and induce fear, use the less traversed path of logic. Don’t be the guy who has this obstinate determination to force his beliefs down someone’s throats, be the guy with the obstinate determination to convince them without the fear of a god, to shove it down their own throat. I have never tried to convince someone to discard their faith, but I do not see the point of following something that is so flawed. We are talking about an Indian population that discards an entire syllabus because of a few spelling errors but goes on to follow one of the most flawed religions to ever exist. I’m not going to be the guy who goes – RTI WOMEN EMPOWERMENT VOTE FOR ME PLS. I’m not going to propose a 50% reservation for women and ivory toilet seats with platinum health faucets. Hell I’m not even going to tell you to promote women equality. I am however, going to tell you to shove your culture into a trash can and use your own heads to get a grip on morality.

It’s discouraging to think how many people are shocked by honesty and how few by deceit. These continuous chronicles of hypocrisy serve as nothing but an insult to my sub par intelligence. As nothing but a rambling from a college student, my screams disintegrate into the fog of blind opinions. It is your choice on whether you wish to be one among the fog or one among the listeners. It is however, mandatory that I stop this article here. Like, Comment and Subscribe to me, as I become a shameless self advertising weirdo who is essentially the ‘P. James Magic Show’ guy on the internet.